We sat across from each other, both silent with turbulent thoughts screaming in our minds. We didn’t know where to go from here.
He held my hand, but this time it was different. He was afraid I would leave again. He was almost convinced that this time if he let go of my hand, I would slip away, and this time forever. I looked into his eyes, and I sunk. I still am sinking. He has forgiven me, but every time I look at him, I do so with the hope of forgiveness.
He never admits it, but I know, and that is why I hope for nothing more than absolution.
I didn’t understand how he could still look at me the same way he always has, when I whisked his existence away from my life not long ago. I love him…I love him still…I’ll love him till the end, but I was scared.
I am a child of this realm. I stumble more than I walk. I break him more than I fix him every time I kiss him. I am still terrified of having him hold me so close, but he is a determined being. He never walks away. I still don’t understand. I never will. He loves me…He loves me still…He’ll love me beyond the end. That is why I look at him and hope for nothing more than his absolution.
We gazed at each other for a while longer. Storms of our thoughts calmed into a soft breeze of serenity. He held my hand still, and this time I held on as well.
I don’t want to let go. I looked at him and knew that I am afraid because he makes me feel so safe in this world of chaos. I wasn’t used to such a warmth that emanates through just a look in the eyes. I never felt so calm by just being held by his strong filling arms.
I can’t offer as much…And that is why I look at him with the hope of his absolution. I love him…I love him still…I’ll love him till the end, but will that ever be enough? Though, for the first time, we knew where we were headed.