Living in a world where people don’t understand the way you think or feel is difficult. They don’t understand not because you’re such a complex human being, no. It’s because you decide to be so closed up to a point where you don’t even know who you are. You stand in this crossroad. You don’t remember the last time you were kind to yourself. You don’t feel the warmth your heart brings anymore. You’ve secluded yourself from yourself. People start to ask you what’s wrong, or what’s going on, and you don’t have an answer as to why you haven’t smiled in a while.
You forget the moments that make you feel alive for some time. You don’t understand that feeling you get when you’re in serenity. It only feels uncomfortable after a while because you know where it’ll lead-depression. There is no way out. There is no road around it. It’s a simple one way to hell. So, you shrug your shoulders, force a smile, put up with small conversations, and then turn your back and walk away. You slowly fade out of the scene you know you no longer belong to, and stand all on your own. You stare into space through the darkness ahead. That’s all you’ve been looking at lately. The one thing that’s different is that there’s no burning candle leading the way.
It’s been burnt out. You’ve been left alone in the darkness. Now you just roam around like a blind man, only without a stick to keep you from hitting an obstacle, or even falling down on your knees. Only this time your knees don’t hit the ground. You just keep falling, and falling. Nothing stops you because you’re not standing on solid ground. You haven’t walked on concrete ground in ages. You’ve just been floating in the middle of the unknown.
Sometimes, you stop. You start to wonder where you’ve gone wrong with yourself to feel so isolated. You can’t grasp the fact that it’s not the friend who seems to distant from you. It is you who has been walking away every time he walks closer. It is you who has pushed him away every time he tries, and not the other way around. You think about the day you walked out of your path, and into a world that neither belongs to you, nor you belong to it. You’re just there. You’re trying to exist, but you’re barely able to breathe for a second. You fight and you argue, but you end up losing.
It was never about people. It was never about those you pushed away. It was always about you, but now it’s too late. There is such a thing as it is too late! It’s not about them not understanding you, it was about you being so lost in your thoughts. Nothing’s complex, you just forgot what an easy life is like. It’s like breathing. It always has been.
It’s too late. Now you’re just all alone in an alternate reality that your mind has built up. An isolated and lonely reality…